I am a processor. To a fault most of the time. (Any other ENFJs out there? Is it a curse or a blessing? Cuz I’m not always sure!) Anyways. The other day, I stood staring out my window, sticking my spoon straight into the peanut butter jar (I mean, protein, right?!), and it hit me. A realization flooded over me with a force that can only be Sovereign. Motherhood just cannot be processed. I spend so much time fleshing out feelings, thoughts, actions that all seem so confusing and so contradictory. Continue reading
One half of a Year
That’s how old my baby girl is today. Something about this little girl puts me in a pile of mush. Maybe it’s a girl thing? But, I could seriously die thinking of how fast 6 months went. The pain of her birth is already a distant memory. It’s already hard to remember those newborn coos. Time flies by with a bundle of laughs, tears, and kisses and hugs. It doesn’t stop for me to barely breathe.
I’ve never ever been a kid person. In fact, I have always said I would have 2 kids. A boy first and then a girl. Then I could be done. Crazy enough, that’s exactly what God blessed me with. A boy first and then a girl! But motherhood has rocked me in ways I never knew possible. I am experiencing life in ways I never did pre-kids and certainly experiencing love in an extra-special way. There are multiple times I look on my 2 children with so much contentment and love that I could burst, truly. If you are wondering whether you should have children, it is a crazy journey that you won’t regret. The hard moments are many, but the joy is out of this world.
I want to update you all on Lilia. A few observations about her from her short life so far.
- She is so very feminine. The way she holds her hands, the way she looks at us, the way she smiles. It is all so sweet. She is gentle and soft and so very girly. I love her femininity. A woman with femininity paired with strength and intelligence is a triple threat!
- She is happiest at home. She loves being with her people. She is a little unnerved when we aren’t in her environment and usually crying ensues that we know not how to deal with because she is never like that at home!
- The only person that can make her full out LAUGH in the middle of crying is her brother. She absolutely adores him and follows him with her eyes *everywhere.* A frown turns into a smile and a tantrum turns into a laugh every time he speaks to her.
- She hates cuddling. Which is a total bummer for her momma. But, I guess I deserve it considering I am about the least touchy person you will ever meet.
- She is more serious than her brother. Logan was always so smiley and giggly (a total Kaser thing). Lilia smiles when she wants to. She is watching and observing and taking in everything around her in detail (a total Hervas thing). Don’t get me wrong, she is very happy and smiley. But it’s on her terms. Logan almost can’t help being smiley and laughing. It’s just how he is wired.
It will be fun to see how these observations pan out.
Thank you, Lord for a small boy who loves his family with his whole heart. Thank you, Lord for a beautiful girl who already shines with strength and loveliness. I am beyond undeserving and will be eternally thankful for the gift of my 2 children.
In one half a year, I will have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Time, please be kind to us and not go *too* quickly.
To my son, the little (almost) big brother
Well, your baby sister is coming in about 4 weeks, give or take. I have no idea what to expect. I know the initial days will be long and hard and sleepless. But, overall, I’m not even sure what to expect. Not just because I will all of the sudden be a mommy to TWO of you, but also because all I have known is YOU. My spunky little boy.
The Acceptance of Motherhood
For 7 years, summers were:
sleeping in until 9:00.
making coffee and eating cereal while watching Kelly and Michael.
afternoons spent babysitting a spunky girl by the pool.
reading. reading. and so much reading.
long summer evening walks with my husband, hand in hand, dreaming and laughing.
I was a teacher, so while the school year was intense, summers were blissful. School years were amazing in different ways. I loved what I did, and felt validated doing it. I got to act, direct, and teach. My schedule was packed with helping students, rehearsals, and still time to spend with my husband at home.
Why am I telling you all of this? Continue reading
18 Months: And the truth behind “it gets easier.”
As I have been a mom for now 18 months, I feel like I have learned that moms come in many different styles if you will. I watch some moms who seem to be so strong. They have 3 kids running around and are able to hold conversations with me while I am constantly checking on Logan out of the corner of my eye. I don’t think it is a secret to my friends and family and maybe some of you who read this blog that motherhood does not come naturally to me. I had a hard time leaving my job at work, I had a hard time accepting that my new reality consisted of cooking and cleaning 3 meals a day, trying to communicate with someone who can’t speak, wiping lots of poo, Continue reading