Insecurity Cripples but Love Builds

She sat on the couch with her husband at a party. Her eyes scanned the room at all of the beautiful faces laughing. The shapes of the gorgeous girls and their perfectly planned outfits captured her attention. She looked over at her husband’s eyes to see if he was noticing what she was noticing. Suddenly, she felt small and ugly; her usual confidence was drowning in insecurity.

This scenario could have described me to a T several years ago. I spent many years crippled with insecurity, always wondering what my husband was thinking about, looking at, participating in… Always noticing myself feeling jealousy or worthlessness compared to the women I considered more put together, more attractive, and more personable. Continue reading

A Beautiful Mosaic – The Final Chapter

Life was getting better for Liz Burg. Her entire outlook on life changed now that she had Christ to pursue. He became her passion and would remain her guiding influence for the rest of her life. She dedicated her life to others. I’m telling you, even in hospice, she was telling her pastor how she still had 2 people she was making plans to meet with to specifically share with them the Gospel. She would tell him, “God still has me here today, so He must want to use me for a specific reason.” She knew her life was not about being comfortable or happy. She knew, even in her very last days, her life was to be a shining light for Christ, even if that meant suffering. If you attended her funeral, you would hear over and over again how true this was. Continue reading

A Beautiful Mosaic – Part 3

A fresh, 20 year old Liz Burg stepped out of an airplane and into the city of Chicago, with a two-month baby boy in one arm and a suitcase on the other. Cesar Hervas and many family members waited in the airport and crowded around her for a huge celebration. Liz had made it to America. She talks of this day, October 25th, 1958, as one of the greatest days of her life. Coming to America (and eventually becoming an American citizen in 1966) were 2 of my Grandma’s proudest moments; she wanted to shout from the rooftops how blessed she was to be here. She was always encouraging us to never take for granted our freedom. Continue reading

A Beautiful Mosaic – Part 2

At ten years old, Grandma (Liz Burg) was back living in Heidelberg with her mother, Anna, and her step-father. (You can read about how she got to this point, here.) Grandma is silent about most of what took place for about 3 years in there. But, from the pain on her face, we know that it was a time she doesn’t like speaking about. She did tell us of an incident in which her step-father picked her up, held her out a 3-story window by the neck and threatened to drop her because she was caught bringing coals to their neighbor. She says it scared her “half to death” and she rarely disobeyed again. Continue reading

A Beautiful Mosaic – Part 1

My sister sat across from my grandma, video camera propped up, asking question after question. Trying to soak in what ended up being one of my grandma’s last days in her own home, talking with clarity for such a length of time. Breast cancer was swiftly eating her away, but the cancer was not touching her brain, her strength, her resilience. I don’t think anything could ever strip her of those things. As my sister taped her story, my beautiful, strong grandmother spoke these words in her thick German accent,

“He [God] took these broken pieces of my life and made a beautiful mosaic out of it. Not a clean cut, clear diamond. But a mosaic. And I am just. . . grateful.Continue reading

He will not stop until I am complete

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I’m forcing myself to sit down and write. I feel like I have had nothing to say for the last 6 months, so I haven’t bothered writing. Now, it’s time to just sit down and write. This post is more of an update than anything super profound. The last 6 months have been harder than the first with adding another child to the family. I’m not exactly sure why, but they just have been.

To risk sounding cliche, Continue reading

One half of a Year

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That’s how old my baby girl is today. Something about this little girl puts me in a pile of mush. Maybe it’s a girl thing? But, I could seriously die thinking of how fast 6 months went. The pain of her birth is already a distant memory. It’s already hard to remember those newborn coos. Time flies by with a bundle of laughs, tears, and kisses and hugs. It doesn’t stop for me to barely breathe.img_5947

I’ve never ever been a kid person. In fact, I have always said I would have 2 kids. A boy first and then a girl. Then I could be done. Crazy enough, that’s exactly what God blessed me with. A boy first and then a girl! But motherhood has rocked me in ways I never knew possible. I am experiencing life in ways I never did pre-kids and certainly experiencing love in an extra-special way. There are multiple times I look on my 2 children with so much contentment and love that I could burst, truly. If you are wondering whether you should have children, it is a crazy journey that you won’t regret. The hard moments are many, but the joy is out of this world.

I want to update you all on Lilia. A few observations about her from her short life so far.

  1. She is so very feminine. The way she holds her hands, the way she looks at us, the way she smiles. It is all so sweet. She is gentle and soft and so very girly. I love her femininity. A woman with femininity paired with strength and intelligence is a triple threat!
  2. She is happiest at home. She loves being with her people. She is a little unnerved when we aren’t in her environment and usually crying ensues that we know not how to deal with because she is never like that at home!
  3. The only person that can make her full out LAUGH in the middle of crying is her brother. She absolutely adores him and follows him with her eyes *everywhere.* A frown turns into a smile and a tantrum turns into a laugh every time he speaks to her.img_5808
  4. She hates cuddling. Which is a total bummer for her momma. But, I guess I deserve it considering I am about the least touchy person you will ever meet.
  5. She is more serious than her brother. Logan was always so smiley and giggly (a total Kaser thing). Lilia smiles when she wants to. She is watching and observing and taking in everything around her in detail (a total Hervas thing). Don’t get me wrong, she is very happy and smiley. But it’s on her terms. Logan almost can’t help being smiley and laughing. It’s just how he is wired.

It will be fun to see how these observations pan out.

Thank you, Lord for a small boy who loves his family with his whole heart. Thank you, Lord for a beautiful girl who already shines with strength and loveliness. I am beyond undeserving and will be eternally thankful for the gift of my 2 children.

In one half a year, I will have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Time, please be kind to us and not go *too* quickly.

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