This morning I am feeling the weight. The weight of the sin that has cursed what was supposed to be perfect and beautiful. We were supposed to be naked and unashamed. We were supposed to be free of worries and anxieties. Free of sickness. Free of pain.
It’s breast cancer awareness this month and every morning on the Today Show, another survivor tells her story. And my mind goes there. If you struggle with health anxiety, you know what I mean.
Should I get a mammogram? I have never gotten one. I will bring it up at my next appointment. And etc. etc.
Then there’s ebola. Now it’s on the US soil and what if it spreads? What if it my sweet boy gets it? What if he gets the enterovirus?! What would I do without him? And when your mind goes there. . . It’s not good!
Then this morning, I saw on my Facebook newsfeed the picture of a precious baby who passed away 2 years ago today. I didn’t know the family, but know several of their friends. And my heart breaks for them today. Literally breaks. Like I could cry for them. I don’t even know them.
Then there are the children on the news today with cancer. Children with cancer. And that’s enough right there to stop and shout WHY GOD? Children with cancer? Can’t you draw the line somewhere?
Now, I know you are thinking, “Oh my, stop watching the news.” You are right! That’s why I decided to sit down and write. But, not watching the news doesn’t make it all go away.
Today I feel the weight. I feel the pervasiveness of sorrow. I feel it in my bones, so I am squeezing my son tight. Because being a mom makes these things so much harder, doesn’t it? It’s no wonder women struggle with worry; we love so deeply. SO DEEPLY. We only want the very best for our families.
So what is the solution to all of this? How can I free myself of this burden I feel so distinctly this morning?
I go to my God. A verse that has been encouraging my heart in amazing ways the past couple of weeks is I Corinthians 2:9.
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.”
I can’t physically understand how wonderful it will be when the blinders of my earthly eyes are finally taken off, and I finally understand just how amazing my God is. I absolutely cannot wait for the day when every knee bows and even if we don’t get all of the answers, our hearts will be satisfied knowing that HE was in control and remains in control. That all things really did work together for our good.
So as heavy as my heart is, it is also full of hope! We have HOPE. God will wipe away our tears. He will hold us in His arms and make all things right. Just like the wind, He surrounds us with His love. He takes our breath away. He is ever present and near to us, even when we can’t see Him.
So until then, I’m not supposed to worry. That’s hard for someone like me whose heart and head wage wars inside of me that can control me at times. But God is a refuge to my troubled soul. And as much as my heart feels the weight of the world around me, my heart also feels love just as deeply. The love of a mother. The love of a wife. I’m glad I feel. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So let us be Christians who care and feel and love, but also Christians who pray and cast our cares on Him. I look at today and I think what a wonderful day it is. And I sit in awe of my God and thank Him for His many blessings. And I beg Him to help me not worry about tomorrow.
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12