“Eat clean. No processed foods.”
“Use oils. Never use antibiotics.”
“Don’t trust doctors. Do your own research.”
“Breast is best. NO formula.”
I am a thinker. I take in a lot of info, process it, and try to make decisions. I am doing this constantly. When I am talking to you, I am doing it. My mind never stops. Unfortunately (or fortunately as the case may be), I also have huge feelings. So, my mind and feelings are at CONSTANT war. It doesn’t matter how much I KNOW about something, if it doesn’t FEEL right too, then I am a mess as I try to make a decision. I am an ENTJ for those that understand or care about such things. I also have to know how something works or why it works the way it does. It is part of what makes me a hypochondriac.
I feel a symptom. I think, “Oh no. . . What is causing this?” I look it up. But of course there is no real way of knowing for sure what it is. A doctor telling me that he is 95% sure that he knows what is causing a symptom gives me NO rest. I will worry and wonder about that 5% until it drives me crazy and sometimes it makes me do unnecessary tests.
Anyways, I digress.
I tell you all of this because there has been a war waging in my mind about health and wellness. And I am telling you a secret. It has gotten out of control. And I want to share how I know that.
First of all, is being naturally-minded a bad thing? Of course not. I truly try to learn the ins and outs of natural products so that I can use them for my family to the best of my ability. I try to feed Logan as little processed foods as possible. I am working on trying the same for me and my husband.
Here is where the problem begins. There is a difference between trying to do these things and starting to feel guilty when I am not. For instance, even taking tylenol anymore has sent me to depths of anguish.
Oh, should I take this? I know it’s not good for me. What if it gives me some sort of disease some day?
I made a very healthy pizza the other evening. While putting the pesto on the crust I started to feel immense amounts of guilt because I had NOT HOMEMADE THE PESTO. I am not even kidding.
So, here is where the problem starts for me. I start to let my thoughts vs. feelings get out of control. I start to wonder if my family does not eat clean, does that mean I am feeding cancer into their bodies? If I give Logan medicine, am I causing him future health problems down the road? It truly is enough to drive a mom, who is only trying to do the best for her family, absolutely looney. Which is where I was heading.
I have to stop with the guilt and the pressure because ultimately… ULTIMATELY…. (And here is where my control freak self has a hard time saying these words.)
Ultimately, I. AM. NOT. IN. CONTROL.
Wow, that actually feels good.
I received some wonderful advice the other day. God knew that I and my sweet family would be living in 2014, with all of its good advances and all of its harms. Me feeding my kid some goldfish will not change the fact that God knew his days before He even formed him. He is sovereign and when I get obsessive and guilty, I am at my very core, NOT trusting in His control. I am doubting His absolute sovereignty. Does that mean that I ignore good, important information when I receive it? No. Certainly not. But there are not a lot of absolutes when it comes to health stuff anyway.
“Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)
“Godliness has value for all things.” Our bodies are important, and yes, we are stewards of them. But they will eventually fail and die. Even more important than taking care of our bodies is seeking first after the Kingdom of God. In my case, I was spending much more time investing in my family’s health and not investing in God’s Kingdom. When it starts to take over and cause guilt, it becomes a problem.
He is in control. Not me. Rest in His promise to take care of us. Even though we will make mistakes along the way. We seek first His Kingdom, we cling to His truths, we trust Him to help us be the best mommies we can be.
After all, we are perfectly safe in His arms. Stop and rest.